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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23301901">Capital Letters</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lubamoon/pseuds/Lubamoon'>Lubamoon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Capital Letters - English [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Daddy-Long-Legs - Jean Webster, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, F/M, Gentle understanding and tall, Kylo killed him, POV Rey (Star Wars), Rey is Not a Palpatine, Rey never becomes Jedi, Scavenger Rey (Star Wars), Snoke is dead, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, That's Not How The Force Works, The Force Ships It, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, she is strong with the Force</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:47:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23301901</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lubamoon/pseuds/Lubamoon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Daddy-Long-Legs AU for <a href="https://twitter.com/reylo_prompts">Reylo Enabler Prompts</a></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Capital Letters - English [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746013</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Scavenger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">

        <li>
          Translation into Español available: 
            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23300944">Con Letras Mayúsculas</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lubamoon/pseuds/Lubamoon">Lubamoon</a>
        </li>


    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I took some liberties with Jean Webster's original story in order to adapt it to the SW canon.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This story begins with the life of Rey in Jakku, approximately one year after Episode VI.  The peculiarity is that she never left the planet and her life followed the normal course. She did not feel his awakening, she did not join the Resistance, she did not train with Luke to be a Jedi. </p><p>Kylo Ren became the Supreme Leader of the First Order without Rey's help, we could assume that Snoke died and he simply took his place in the chain of command.<br/>Therefore, Ben Solo is still there hiding under Kylo's mask, waiting for Rey to convince him to return home, or it will be the other way around. We will only know in the end!</p><p>The introduction is meant to give an overview of Rey's life, but later the story is based on the letters she sends to Kylo, trying to get closer to him. </p><p>I hope you like it, it was going to be a little shorter but as the story goes on, things were added that I can't help but add. I'm really enjoying this project!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>It was not until that day that Rey could dream of a landscape different from that of the desert, the day that the tall, mysterious and dark man appeared at the <em>Niima Outpost</em>.</p><p>For almost twenty years Rey did everything she could to keep herself on a barren, hostile and wild planet. The few laws were not always respected and everyone watched their own back. Jakku did not forgive the weak. There were those who were lost, those who wanted to be forgotten and those who had nothing left.</p><p>Though circumstances were never in her favor, Rey was strong. Her intelligence and skill got her out of trouble more than once, her defensive and rude attitude kept most of the bullies away, and her good heart kept her spirit intact. In spite of adversity, Rey grew up with the purest feeling in her heart: hope.   </p><p>Jakku was the only thing she knew, she had been there forever. At least she didn’t remember living anywhere else before. She had been stranded there waiting for the return of her family, who surely had good reason to leave a small girl, alone, in the worst of worlds. Rey told herself, day after day, that her life there was a mistake and someone would come to correct it. She waited and resisted.</p><p>The hostile climate, the excessive heat and the lack of water were only some of the challenges that Rey had to endure on a daily basis. Her whole life was a cruel game that consisted of taking the right steps or not living to tell the tale. But the girl always had something special, a kind of instinct that told her where to go or what the best places where to look for. She didn’t imagine then how important it would be in her life, but she didn’t waste it at all.</p><p>There were many other difficulties in the middle, and the list was long. The problem wasn’t only the wildlife of Jakuu, with the Nightwatcher worms in the Moving Fields and the ripper-raptors lurking the careless.</p><p>The risk of being trapped for days by a sandstorm that the villagers called <em>X'us R'iia</em> meant that their already meager reserves of food and water were exhausted without being able to call for help. Rey was alone.</p><p>Any negligence or seemingly superficial injuries could be fatal. The chances of slipping from a great height while climbing, of being buried under metal debris, of being hit by radiation from a buried device, of being burned by the remains of some corrosive fuel were high. And obviously die of dehydration and starvation.</p><p>And if that wasn't enough, Rey couldn't trust anyone. Almost all the intelligent beings around her, though not all, were of the worst kind. The scavengers were deceitful, cruel and dishonest. They would not hesitate to steal from her or eliminate her if it would benefit them.</p><p>Since she was a child, Rey had a special ability to understand how machines worked, she could fix them and find the best parts. Her reputation grew as she also got older and deepened her knowledge.</p><p>Unkar Plutt - who everyone secretly called <em>Blobfish</em> - saw Rey's potential to get the best parts for him and became a kind of protector. Of course, the young girl disliked the situation, because she hated Unkar, but at least she kept the competition away. Unkar owned everything and everyone in Jakku, the undisputed authority, the source of food.</p><p>Fragments of stories from the old War between the Empire and the New Republic abounded on the planet, because that was Jakku: a graveyard of ships. The conflict took place long before Rey was born, even before there was any population. But the remains of ships, garbage and metal, were still treasures hidden in the sand for the most skilled scavengers. The recovered pieces were exchanged for food and other items, completing the endless circle of living another day to work, working to survive.</p><p>That was Rey's job. Collecting, cleaning, selling and surviving. To endure and to wait, always waiting.</p><p>As a scavenger she had no rest, always trying to get the best parts because that meant more food. But she was also cautious because one mistake, one bad deal, one word too many, could leave her with an empty stomach.</p><p>Rey built her home inside the remains of a wartime AT-AT that she had found in the <em>Goazon Badlands </em>near <em>Niima Outpost</em>. There she rested and worked, marking the passing of the days within its walls.</p><p>Her possessions were few, at least to ensure some comfort. Among her treasures, however, were items that she had found during her raids that were too rare or unique to be discarded, or that had no market value. They made her life a bit more joyful.</p><p>Outside her home, the slider she had built herself guaranteed her speed and a certain independence.</p><p>Rey didn’t talk to many people, the reserve was a quality that she forcibly adopted. Mistrust was a necessary skill because talking to others about her work, asking questions, or arousing suspicion could harm her. Others would rob her of the merit and profit of her sacrifice, as she had done before. That didn’t prevent her from dealing with people if she needed something from them. Despite of everything, Rey was always willing to protect others more unfortunate than herself, as long as she was not risking her own life.</p><p>Such loneliness set her imagination free. Rey liked to write, take notes, collect information and often spoke out loud to herself.</p><p>Some nights she would lie down in her hammock and explain the events of her day to an imaginary being who listened without interruption. Her fears, adventures and desires were thrown into the void and Rey dreamt that someone was listening to her.</p><p>Somehow, it happened.</p><p>There was her life, an eternal transition, a time of waiting between her reality and a future that she did not yet know but was imminent.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The day the stranger arrived in Jakku was the first day of the rest of Rey's life. She did not know exactly who he was or what he was doing, but she immediately felt a special connection that should have caused her fear. But it did not, in fact, she almost felt drawn to him.</p><p>Although she could not see his face under the mask, she noticed that he was very tall. At that time of day, the sun cast a long shadow behind him that reached as far as the Rey, creating an intriguing effect. Although he was far away, she could see that he was dressed in black and wore a kind of hooded cloak.</p><p>Rey then broke her golden rule of not asking questions, and that is how she learned that the strange character was none other than Supreme Leader Kylo Ren of the First Order.</p><p>What she couldn't understand at the time was what that character was doing there, at the end of the world, even where his dark reputation preceded him. Everyone was frightened by the rumors about him, even where the echoes of the war for the galaxy were far away and late. Rey did not believe these stories, for her her reality was much worse than the fantasies she heard.</p><p>That's why she didn't flinch when the figure in black turned her head towards it. Rey watched him as he approached, imagining that underneath the mask his eyes were fixed on her. She only felt a chill when he spoke. But his tone was soft even with the metallic sound.</p><p>"Scavenger. What's so special about you?"</p><p>Rey had to admit that things like that didn't happen every day in Jakku.</p><p>At that moment, she knew she had to make a decision. Maybe she was tired of waiting, maybe her curiosity was stronger. But Rey no longer wanted to stay there.</p><p>Kylo Ren extended his hand to her and Rey only hesitated a second before accepting it.</p><p>Could the future be any worse?</p><p>Her heart, always positive, told her no. Nothing could be worse than Jakku.</p><p>In her mind she tried to make sure that he was the person who would come looking for her after so many years.</p><p>And her body obeyed the urge to go away with him.</p><p>Leaving behind everything she knew, Rey had no regrets.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>To create this story I based on the information in these books:</p><p>"Rey's Survival Guide" by Jason Fry<br/>"Visual Dictionary of the Force Awakens"<br/>"Visual Dictionary of the Last Jedi"<br/>"Daddy -Long-Legs" by Jean Webster</p><p>And the rest is a little imagination!<br/>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. REY'S LETTERS TO SUPREME LEADER / Part I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Never was a leader<br/>Never had a thing for fairytales<br/>Not really a believer, <br/>Small voice in the quiet<br/>Guess I never dared to know myself<br/>Can my heart beat quiet? No</p><p>"Capital Letters"<br/>Hailee Steinfeld, BloodPop</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading!</p><p>I hope you like what's next. I'm trying something different, but I can't help it if it's a little tragicomic.</p><p>Jean Webster's original novel is in epistolary format, and I wanted to respect that in this story.</p><p>It's a short, quick chapter to read, but I promise there are many more to come!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>REY'S LETTERS TO SUPREME LEADER KYLO REN</strong>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, standard month number 5, Taungsday</p><p>Supreme Leader of the First Order, Kylo Ren:</p><p>It has been three full days since I left Jakku to join your crusade and I have not yet been informed what I am supposed to do here. I assumed that because of our very brief conversation, the details would be explained to me upon my arrival at Your ship, but I am still waiting for someone else - other than the hateful guard at my room door - to speak to me.</p><p>Am I to understand that I am your <em>guest</em> or just a <em>prisoner</em>? Believe me, if I were the latter, I could not disagree more. And even though I know that I can't go back, I would at least like the chance to know why I am in this embarrassing situation.</p><p>It's true that the facilities are impressive. If I'm going to be locked up here, it's good to have some amenities like a shower of my own. As you can imagine, water is a luxury on my planet. The room is acceptable; I would risk telling you that it is three times larger than my entire house. You haven't had the pleasure of seeing my house, but think about living inside an AT-AT and you'll realize how happy I am now.</p><p>Actually, I'm not complaining. But there's not much more I can do at the moment. I try to control my thoughts and not regret every two minutes of my decision. What's done is done. If you're wondering about my migrant emotions, I'll tell you not to. I don't miss the sand or the heat. Although I can't help feeling strange here.</p><p>Anyway, I don't know why I'm writing to you, it's obvious you don't want to see me. I didn't think about sending you this letter either, but writing is something that helps me to pass the time and clears my mind a bit. It's true, I forgot that you don't know me and you'll think maybe I'm crazy. But let me tell you that a lifetime of loneliness, with no one to talk to (for days at a time) wreaks havoc on the healthier mind if there is no activity to entertain. In my case it's writing, but as I said above, you won't have the pleasure of reading me. I doubt you'll understand my handwriting anyway.</p><p>Luckily I always carry paper and pencil with me.</p><p>Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely capable of handling more advanced technology. But paper isn't as valuable as a datapad, and if I had one of those in my possession I wouldn't have to worry about eating it in a hurry. I'm sure the Blobfish would have paid me back with a few portions for it.</p><p>Despite my concerns, I think you've done me a favour. Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to leave the planet but didn't? Do you know how many nights I stayed up imagining the moment when they would come and rescue me? Well, the answer is the same in both cases: So many that I lost count.</p><p>But I have some questions for you too, a little more personal, if I may be so bold. What did you mean by that, that I have something <em>special</em>?</p><p>There's nothing special about me. I'm just the Rey of Jakku, a simple scavenger who got her hopes up thinking she was important to someone.</p><p>At Niima's Outpost I felt that maybe you were that person. Or I wanted to believe it.</p><p>No. <em>I really felt it.</em></p><p>You felt it too, didn't you? I could see it through your mask.</p><p> </p><p>I wonder what you look like. For now I just know that:</p>
<ol>
<li>you like to dress in black and wear a mask.</li>
<li>you don't like to be disobeyed (everyone is afraid of you and I'm trying to find out more about your character).</li>
<li>you are very tall.</li>
</ol><p>Addressing you in this letter as Supreme Leader seems very formal to me. And considering that I will never carry it out because it would certainly unleash your fury, it occurred to me that perhaps I could take some of the seriousness out of the matter.</p><p>I couldn't call You <em>Black Kylo</em> or <em>Supreme Masked</em>. I don't think that's funny either, <em>Dark One</em>. So I'll try to think of you as <em>Kylo Long-Legs</em>. I haven't decided yet, though.</p><p>And I wish I could tell you more, but I have to manage my paper stock. Who knows how long I'll be here and this sheet is already finished.</p><p>Affectionately</p><p>REY</p>
<hr/><p>Year 35 DBY, standard month number 5, Zhellday</p><p>Supreme Leader</p><p>If I have not been executed on your orders when you receive this message, I would like to apologize.</p><p>I didn't mean to offend you in any way with my notes. No one in their right mind would dare provoke you with such impertinence.</p><p>If I am already dead by now, I want to at least put on record that I did not imagine that General Hux would take away all my belongings (except for this little paper and pencil that I managed to hide).</p><p>I have no idea what he will do with my letter or what you would think of me if you read it. In truth I am in such a state of nervousness that I feel things levitate around me. I am levitating myself<em>. I must have lost my mind.</em></p><p>I'm not going anywhere while I'm waiting for my sentence.</p><p>Desperate.</p><p>REY</p><p>P/d: If you decide to spare my life, you may consider returning my papers.</p><p>I would appreciate it wholeheartedly and take it as a sign that you do not dislike my reports.</p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. REY'S LETTERS TO SUPREME LEADER / Part II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>But then there was you <br/>Yeah, then there was you<br/>Pull me out of the crowd<br/>You were telling the truth</p><p>"Capital Letters"<br/>Hailee Steinfeld, BloodPop</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Year 35 ABY, standard month number 5, Benduday</p><p>Supreme Leader</p><p>I'm still alive! Thank you for forgiving this petty scavenger. Maybe I am special, after all.</p><p>I interpret this act of grace as a sign that our correspondence can continue. At least I will continue to write until I receive some response from you.</p><p>You even sent me this <em>datapad</em> to make it easier to write. Don't you understand my handwriting? Well, to tell you the truth, I don't understand it either sometimes.</p><p>General Hux didn't seem very happy. I could swear he insulted me quietly before he left, but I have a very good sense of hearing. Perks of my job, I guess.</p><p>I don't think he likes me. Should I be worried about him?</p><p> </p><p>In the meantime, I must assume that my only task here, Supreme Leader, is to write and entertain you. So I'll do my best, not as if my life depended on it, but I'll do it gladly. I will use all my creativity, which has served me well over the years in Jakku, not to starve.</p><p>I hope you will not find my sense of humor offensive. I want to make it clear that I am not making fun; I have a lot of imagination.</p><p>I'd just like to understand something about what's going on here. Sometimes I think you're looking at me, as if we were really in the same room. Isn't that the strangest thing? Maybe the confinement is killing my ability to reason.</p><p>I don't think I'm the only one who feels lonely on a ship full of people. Considering I've only seen a handful of people since I got here and I'm still locked up. I'm sorry, am I too pushy about that look?</p><p>Yeah, maybe I should have figured this <em>new life</em> wasn't going to be easy. I got carried away and I hope I don't have to regret it. But a little independence and confidence from you wouldn't hurt. I can't go back, I can't escape. <em>Where would I go?</em> </p><p>I can be quite useful, without neglecting this activity. In fact, I'm an excellent mechanic. No one here knows me, but I can assure you that I am the best. Think about it. On a ship this big, there's always something to fix.</p><p>Grateful and happy to keep my head,</p><p>REY</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, standard month number 6, Primeday</p><p>Dear Supreme Leader</p><p>I have just received your instructions to order our communication and I will try to comply with them rigorously, but let me tell you that one letter a day seems too much to me. There is not much I can tell you about what is going on here and I do not know what kind of information you are requesting.</p><p>I have therefore made a brief inventory of the possibilities, which I detail below.</p><p>Am I a spy in your own fleet? I don't think you want to know what's being said about you around here. You should know that you are respected and feared. Although I think you'd be amused to know what other adjectives they have to describe you. I don't think they're all true, anyway.</p><p>You want to know about me? There's not much to tell, either. But if you make a list of questions, I'll be happy to answer. Oh! You could send it to me next time with your next - and impersonal - instructions.</p><p>Should I tell you what I think? My situation is unheard of and is getting stranger by the day. As if you don't know exactly what to do with me. Perhaps I am a subject of experiments and am being watched. That would make a little more sense.</p><p>Would you like me to ask you any more questions? There's no point in asking these if you're not going to answer. But I never rule out the possibilities. I have many things to ask you, although I'm not in a position to negotiate, I think. Even if I know very little about you and I've already told you too much.</p><p>In the case that it is not one of the options mentioned above, I will write about what I want. So I can't help being impertinent sometimes, I have a slightly extreme sense of justice and my patience is running out.</p><p>Anyway, does this letter count as the daily report? Let's call it a pre-report, if you will.</p><p>Over and out,</p><p>REY</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, standard month number 6, Centaxday</p><p>Dear Supreme Leader</p><p>I still can't believe what I'm holding in my hands! An answer from you <em>in your own handwriting</em>!</p><p>I consider myself lucky. I still don't understand many things, but knowing that there is <em>someone</em> on the other side, who cares about my physical - and mental - health fills me with joy. I will hold on to this little hope forever, even if it is the last time I receive such a gift.</p><p>By the way, I really like your calligraphy; I can see why you gave me the datapad. My handwriting is a mess.</p><p>The letter was brief, but it's already one of my treasures. It is good to know that I am <em>"your guest"</em> rather than a prisoner, and I am grateful to be able to <em>"roam the ship freely"</em>. I ask that you remind General Hux of this point, which he seems to be unaware of, every time he sees me outside the room.</p><p>I will also tell you that it is not my preference that a stormtrooper accompanies me like a shadow every time I go out, I might think that my "<em>freedom</em>" is apparent. Although it doesn't matter, you must have your own reasons, I'll give you that. Or you enjoy sarcasm, which is fine. We all need some kind of fun.</p><p>Plus we're getting along great with the guard. What kind of name is FN-2187? We agreed that from now on he'll be called Finn.</p><p>There's only one thing I'm missing. It's not a material thing, thanks to your hospitality I have my basic needs covered. I care about you.</p><p>You shouldn't be surprised that someone does, I don't think you have many friends here and I could appreciate in your brief lines that you need someone to talk to. I think that's the point of all these letters, isn't it? Or maybe you're just bored.</p><p>And how do you imagine I know that? Because I can sense things when I touch them. It requires a lot of concentration and it doesn't always happen, but it has happened to me several times in the past and I don't really know why. I think you do, and that's why I'm here.</p><p>When you're ready, you'll let me know. I want to be useful to you in some way. It wouldn't hurt me to learn to master these matters. Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you ever felt that way?</p><p>See you tomorrow, sleep well!</p><p>REY</p><p>P/d: I think it would not be out of place for me to start addressing you in a more familiar way. So much formality is a bit overwhelming. Is it Kylo your real name? </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for follow the story!</p><p>At first I wanted to keep it short, but I love this letter-writing thing. Even more so from the perspective of Rey, who is a character I like very much and has a funny side that she hasn't had the chance to show before.</p><p>As always, I love receiving his comments, suggestions and opinions!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. REY'S LETTERS TO SUPREME LIDER Part III</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I got something to say now<br/>Cause you tell me that there's no way I couldn't go<br/>Nothing I couldn't do</p><p> </p><p>"Capital Letters"<br/>Hailee Steinfeld, BloodPop</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>At the request of the public, General Ben Solo of the First Order appears.<br/>Thanks to those who voted for him in the twitter poll!</p><p>And no one recognizes Kylo Ren without the mask? Well, I took the liberty of imagining that in this version no one has seen him without it. Except Hux, and this will bring him some funny problems.<br/>Let's keep in mind that Rey has been isolated all her life, that she is quite skeptical, and she didn't experience any of the events at TFA. But she's very smart too, so let's hope Ben doesn't betray himself before he achieves his purpose with her. (which we still don't know what it is).</p><p>But this story is about them and I assure you it will end well. My intention is to make it fun and a little crazy.</p><p>THANK YOU to everyone who keeps reading and leaving comments. They make me happy, they make me want to keep writing.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, standard month number 6, Taungsday</p><p>Dear Kylo Ren</p><p>Have you ever felt out of place, even knowing you're in the right place?</p><p>It's kind of a contradiction in terms, but I don't know how to put it better. Despite writing a lot, deeper thoughts aren’t my specialty. But I can't stop thinking about it, I can't help feeling lonely.</p><p>Here everyone is focused on their tasks, everyone seems to be busy and faithful to a cause with their own life. I've never felt that way. I can't even say for sure that I was always loyal to myself; I was just trying not to die. But what were my ideals?</p><p>I realized that before I didn't care about not knowing things about my family, how they were, how they felt about me. I limited myself to imagine them to my predilection, I consoled myself by thinking that when they came back all my doubts would be cleared up. But finally I accepted that it won't be that way, they won't come and I won't try to look for them anymore. And that makes me feel so empty.</p><p>Ever since I got here you've always been kind, especially when it comes to my survival. I don't have to worry about food or finding a place to rest anymore. I don't have to prepare myself every day so I don't die of heat or thirst; I'm not a scavenger anymore. I still don't know what the reason is or what you want in return. But I don't feel that you are a threat to me. I cherish the idea that we can be friends.</p><p>I don't feel defensive here, maybe I should, but I think your intentions with me are not bad. You would have executed me long ago for this letters thing. I would have done that if I were you, and it seems I'm not a quarter as evil as you are.</p><p>The crew whisper when they think I don't listen to them, about your feats and achievements. All corresponds to what I had already heard in Jakku, though at the time I did not want to pay much attention. I just wanted to get away from there.</p><p>However, I don’t believe that someone capable of treating an insignificant person as well as I can be so fearsome. We've all done things we're not proud of, and I don't think that defines us. The past has to be left behind.</p><p>It's hard for me to get an idea of what you're really like, not to mention how you physically are because no one here has ever seen you without that mask you wear. Why do you do it? What's the terrible truth you're hiding? I'm not afraid to see your face, if you decide I should see it.</p><p>Keep in mind that despite being young I have seen all kinds of monstrosities in people you would never imagine and apparently harmless looking. Deformities don't scare me, nor do scars. I have a few because of my job and they remind me of what I've been through.</p><p>Is that why you don't come to see me? I remind you that I'm not afraid of you, despite everything. Why would I have agreed to come here if I was?</p><p>The only fear I have is that I can never get rid of this horrible feeling. And that day at Niima Outpost, when I held your hand, I realized that you felt it too.</p><p>I'm sorry if my report today doesn't have the funny tone you've seen before. I just can't help it and not being able to talk to anyone about these things only makes my situation worse. Somehow I know now that you read my letters and I can count on you. I think you might understand.</p><p>For some reason you've moved Finn to another section and instead there's a stormtrooper who refuses to talk to me. If I go out for a walk to see the installations, everyone looks at me with curiosity, it may be because I don't wear the same uniform as them or because they don't understand what I'm doing here and why the Supreme Leader is so considerate of a nobody like me.</p><p>General Hux is the worst of all, he is my new headache. I don't know what I did to him, but if it was in his power, he would have killed me by now. He's one of your most devoted subordinates, I forgive him his mistreatment because he's doing his job and doesn't trust me. He must think I have the power to manipulate you somehow. Isn't that funny?</p><p>All I want is to belong to a place and be part of a family or, in this case, a crew. While I'm being invaded by these thoughts, unusual things are happening that do scare me a little.</p><p>Maybe that's why Hux hates me.</p><p>He just addressed me in a rather derogatory term and I couldn't control my anger. I think I hurt him, but I didn't even touch him. What's going on with me? We probably can't ever get along after he almost suffocated because of me. I'm sure I did, I could feel the hate flowing through me. I don't like this at all.</p><p>This must be my darkest report. I'm sorry if you don't like it.</p><p>Or maybe your experiment is finally working?</p><p>Goodbye.</p><p>REY</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, standard month number 6, Zhellday</p><p>Dear Kylo</p><p>I woke up in a better mood today and I am very sorry for the sad and dark tone of my report yesterday. If I could erase it I would, but it's too late because I know you read it.</p><p>And I'm really touched by the gesture you made to make me feel better. These clothes you sent me are beautiful and I'm going to lay low on the ship like I'm just another crew member. Am I officially one? What does that require? Am I finally going to be able to work here? I've never worn black because in the desert that would be difficult. But I'll get used to the change.</p><p>All this time to think has done me wrong, I'm no good at being locked up and inactive. I like to fix things, I've already told you several letters in the past. That's why I also thank you for the new tool kit and your permission <em>to fix whatever I want.</em></p><p>I can only assume the latter, because no other note from you has arrived. I am sorry about that, but it doesn't matter, because I see that you are a person of actions rather than words and I appreciate that very much.</p><p>I heard that Hux is alive, and I'm quite relieved. But I haven't seen him around since and that worries me. But I will pay the consequences of almost killing a general of the First Order, even though I do not forgive him for what he said about me.</p><p>Instead they have assigned a certain Ben Solo who seems infinitely more agreeable, so I promise not to hurt him. He's even offered to accompany me on a tour of the ship, beyond the places I'm allowed.</p><p>I hope I don't cause you any trouble if I accept; it would be interesting to see what else is out there. I know the inside of several ships similar to this one, abandoned and destroyed, but they have given me an idea of where each thing is and what it is for.</p><p>Perhaps I will try to convince General Solo that I would be a great addition to the corps of mechanics. He reminds me a little of you, he's quite tall. But he doesn't wear a mask and I only saw you once. My memories sometimes fool me, distorting things.</p><p>I haven't had any news since my fit of anger, but somehow I managed to calm down. These days I learned many things about myself that I didn't know, like the ability to meditate and move things with my mind.</p><p>I once heard stories about the <em>Force</em> and the <em>Jedi</em>. The travelers in Jakku told things about them and how they were eliminated one by one. That is why I assure you that <em>I have no intention of delving into that subject</em>, and this has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that I heard some Stormtroopers talking about a certain Jedi Killer. In this case, ignorance is bliss. Don't you think?</p><p>See you soon!</p><p>REY</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. REY'S LETTERS TO SUPREME LIDER Part IV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>For worse or for better<br/>Gonna give it to you<br/>In capital letters</p><p>"Capital Letters"<br/>Hailee Steinfeld, BloodPop</p>
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    <p> </p>
<hr/><p>Year 35 ABY, SM N6, Benduday</p><p>Dear Kylo:</p><p>Very early this morning, General Ben Solo showed up to give me a tour of the <em>Supremacy</em>.</p><p>Isn't it funny that I've been here for over ten days and had no idea that that was the name of the ship? The Mega-Class Star Destroyer is impressive. I can't believe it's got 60 kilometers of wing to wing. I must congratulate you on the state in which you keep it. Everything here works like clockwork.</p><p>I'm not surprised you don't want to leave the ship. You can live here for years without ever having to set foot on a planet. Thanks to the General, I was able to get to know the facilities, the laboratories, the weapon production and soldiers' training centers. He even promised to show me the place where they make other smaller ships! </p><p>He only explained to me that the <em>Supremacy</em> is a kind of capital city of the First Order, which moves self-sufficiently around the galaxy conquering planets. I think it's amazing.</p><p>General Solo behaved in a courteous, if somewhat distant, manner. I still prefer him a thousand times to General Hux, to whom I send through this letter, my wishes for his speedy recovery.</p><p>As we walked, I tried to talk to him, but he avoided many of my questions. Is secrecy one of the requirements of working here? If so, I think that adapting to the fleet is going to cost even more than I imagined.</p><p>What I was able to learn about Solo is that his parents abandoned him and he has been a member of the First Order for a long time. He told me that it's almost like his home but he didn't sound very convinced, because he turned my gaze away when he said it. Before he became a General he was fighting on the battlefield and he did some successful missions, which I don't find so strange because with the attitude he has he is surely a majestic warrior. I wonder if he will miss fighting or if he still does.</p><p>I noticed that while we were doing the tour, some commanders stopped to look at him with curiosity but said nothing, others simply greeted him with a gesture and most of them changed their route as soon as they saw us.</p><p>We didn't really talk much, but I'd be lying if I said I found the General boring. There is some mystery about him and I think that in time we might discover that we have some things in common.</p><p>First of all, we've both been abandoned by our parents. That's definitely something. I'm going to try hard to find out what their interests are since I really need a friend.</p><p>One particular part of the ship I really liked is a room with a huge window into space. It took me a few moments to record the image in my mind, although I know I'll go back to that place every time I feel lonely. The galaxy and the stars looked so beautiful that my longing immediately vanished. Do you know the place? What I'm saying, I'm sure you do.</p><p>I wish I could know those worlds because I refuse to think that all planets are as sad as Jakku. My heart leaps for joy imagining the colors and flavors, its animals and plants. Did I ever tell you that I love flowers? Not many things grow in the desert. That's why nightblossoms and spinebarrels were one of my treasures.</p><p>Briefly, it's been a splendid day for me; I dare say it's been the best since I arrived. Don't take it badly, every day is an adventure and I keep some moments in special places in my heart. But today was different; I begin to see more clearly my new life as I try to decipher the present.</p><p>Don't worry. You're the first one in my heart.</p><p>REY</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, SM N6, W2, Primeday</p><p>Dear Kylo</p><p>What exactly should I answer when a person I have only seen once in my life gives me a bouquet of beautiful flowers?</p><p>I confess I'm flattered but rather uncomfortable. If you were to ask me what two wookies are talking about, I could understand them perfectly. But Flower Language? I never had a chance to learn it.</p><p>So don't be offended if I'm not taking it as I should. I'll just say thank you! wholeheartedly!</p><p>Of course they're magnificent! I've never seen such beauty! In fact I only knew two types of flowers, so I'm not an entity in the field and had to go to an expert.</p><p>Who would have thought that General Solo knows so much about space fauna and flora? He explained to me that they are native Naboo flowers, Rominaria and red and blue Millaflowers, the latter being quite exotic.</p><p>I was surprised that the General stopped by again, I have taken up so much of his time and I hope that is not interfering with his daily activities. I'm sure his schedule must include other more interesting tasks than being the caretaker of a poor, restless girl.</p><p>I'm not complaining! He's actually very nice to talk to and a good listener. And as I assumed before, we may end up being good friends.</p><p>And what could a scavenger of Jakku and a General of the First Order have in common?</p><p>At first sight nothing, really. But he turns out to be a very interesting person once you get used to his fairly cold and arrogant facade, his rigorous walk and the severe look of his face. That man never seems to laugh! I'll see about changing that.</p><p>Minutes before he said goodbye he asked me to call him Ben and offered to teach me the secrets of space and the stars. That's a good sign! I think I could use a teacher. I must counteract years and years of selective ignorance.</p><p>Thanks again for the flowers!</p><p>I always carry one with me to remind me of your generosity.</p><p>I say goodbye very happily.</p><p>REY</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, SM N6 S2, Centaxday</p><p>Dear Kylo</p><p>I asked Ben today if he knows you in person. He answered yes, and I confess I was jealous of him. I have been here almost two weeks now and I have resigned myself to the fact that you and I will only have this contact.</p><p>But it's okay, You know? I'm very happy like this. Every day I wake up thinking about how lucky I am and I don't feel as out of place as I did in the beginning.</p><p>Now let's get to the embarrassing part.</p><p>I suppose you heard about the little accident in the kitchens. Well, in my defense, I'll say my intentions were good. I wanted to return the gesture you made with the flowers and prepare you something to eat, something with my hands and my affection.</p><p>Anyway, I'm not good at that. The cooks hate me for melting almost all their pots and they can't explain how one person could cause such a big disaster.</p><p>I was pretty frustrated and about to throw it all away. Lately I'm having a hard time handling my emotions. But Ben showed up right then and there and helped me with the project. I can't help but be amazed at how much he can do!</p><p>It turns out that soldiers should know how to cook, too. That makes sense, I guess when they get off the ship they must use their own wits in all sorts of environments. </p><p>Well, I can survive too. I may not be able to prepare delicacies worthy of an emperor, but I can bet you wouldn't survive two days in Jakku without my experience trading junk for food!</p><p>It was a bad idea, I admit it. But it ended well for me: a free lunch and good company. I think Ben got a little scared of my manners, even dared to point out that I lack them. How dare he? I'll forgive him because from today he's something of a hero to me.</p><p>Conclusion: There was no food for you. It's for the best, believe me. I console myself by thinking that my writing skills are one of my best. I'm sure you'll appreciate the detailed account of my misfortunes, won’t you?</p><p>After that, Ben and I discussed ships and there was no way to settle. I believe that pre-First Order technology is superior, and in that area I have the advantage. I doubt that he has seen as many examples of the Empire and the New Republic as I have, although for his benefit I must say that everything is historical junk today.  </p><p>That's how I discovered that Ben is a great pilot and that his favorites are TIE Fighters in all their variants. He took me to one of the hangars to show me his own ship, a model TIE Silencer, Space Superiority Fighter. How splendid!</p><p>I can't imagine what it would feel like to drive one! I didn't want to admit in front of him that I've never flown anything like it, although I can only say that I have theoretical experience with ships.</p><p>I thought it was a little strange that an ordinary General should own such a peculiar ship, but I didn't tell him because he looked so happy. It was the first time I ever saw him really smile and I didn't want to miss it.</p><p>After that Ben told me that he was going to be away for a few days on a diplomatic mission but that I have his permission to do as I please. His only warning is that I mustn't step on the kitchens. He's not spoiling me too much? Are you okay with this?</p><p>I hope he'll be back soon, in a few days he's become very important to me. I think he likes me and I assure you that even if I get angry with him sometimes, I wouldn't be able to hurt him. I just hope I get to know him better. There are many things I would like to ask him.</p><p>I'll say goodbye for today, hoping you have a good rest.</p><p>REY</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. REY'S LETTERS TO SUPREME LIDER Part V</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, SM N6 S2 Taungsday</p><p>Dear Kylo</p><p>I trust you'll receive my reports regularly, wherever you are. Captain Phasma has approached with great sympathy to inform me that she is temporarily in command of the <em>Supremacy</em> until your return. You left without saying goodbye?</p><p>It is a real shame that your absence coincides with Ben's, but I can infer that he is with you and will know how to protect you on your mission, if things get tough. Rumors abound in every corner of the ship that you will return with valuable rebel prisoners for interrogation. But I'm not supposed to talk about things I don't know unless they're confirmed facts. Besides, I've never seen a rebel in person.</p><p>I'd like to be there, too, even though I know I lack the training to be part of the Supreme Leader's guard. I'm pretty good at fighting hand-to-hand with a staff, and I'm a fast learner. I'll try to convince Ben to teach me a few moves when he gets back.</p><p>I think I'm going to take advantage of the large amount of free time I have to train a little. Who knows? Maybe my powerful new skills will help me become a warrior of excellence.</p><p>My daily runs were fine, I guess. As usual, there's not much I can do here. Although I did take the liberty of repairing a BB-9E droid that was malfunctioning and causing minor problems for other crewmen.</p><p>It certainly wasn't easy, not like the droids I know but a more advanced one and I didn't seem too grateful for the help. Next time I will consider the recommendations <em>kindly</em> made to me by the Bureau Security Officer, Colonel Garmuth, to <em>mind my own business.</em></p><p>General Armitage Hux has been reinstated to the crew and unfortunately we are still not getting along. I have kept a respectful distance and he has not left his personal guards for a moment.</p><p>I believe that Phasma's provisional appointment has not gone down well with him. He had hoped that the chain of command would be followed, but he was <em>not available</em> at the time of the agreement.</p><p>Well, that's my fault for knocking him out for so long. But I still have faith that he'll forgive me. I don't intend to get on bad terms with any of your loyal comrades.</p><p>Remember to watch your back and trust no one. I do not believe that advice is necessary for someone like you, but it is scavenger wisdom that is well worth sharing. And it's also a way of expressing my concern.</p><p>Waiting for your return.</p><p>REY</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, SM N6 S2 Zhellday</p><p>Dear Kylo</p><p>I'm so glad I have a new friend! Captain Phasma turned out to be a charming person and one could not suspect that underneath that imposing armor dwells a sensitive and funny woman. Well, something similar happens with you, although I've had very few occasions to check.</p><p>Do you wonder how we became such good friends? At first it wasn't easy; she really loves her job and seems to have no time for jokes. Some even consider her a perfectionist, although I won't judge her for being loyal and devoted to the First Order.</p><p>Her sense of dedication is absolute and she trains with great physical effort because she believes that the true spirit of a soldier is not formed by battle simulations and automatic training, as Hux believes. She's even memorized all the names of the militia. She's an amazing woman.</p><p>It's funny that someone like me has caught her attention, even though you know I have a natural talent for saying absolutely the opposite of what's good for me, and sometimes that spontaneity makes people notice me.</p><p>And you could say that our common interest is that we both have problems with General Hux. Yeah, maybe I overreacted to him, but I still don't understand why he hates me so much. Of course I raised my complaints to the Captain and our dislike of the General made us instant allies.</p><p>Phasma told me that before you became Supreme Leader, the three of you formed an unofficial, quite effective triumvirate. I think it's very sad that you don't get along because of certain past grudges.</p><p>Everyone here is very anxious for your return, but no one else but me.</p><p>That reminds me of a strange episode that happened last night. It's silly, but something tells me you'll know anyway. It felt too real, I don't think it was just an ordinary dream.</p><p>I was almost asleep when I felt a loud sound inside my head, like a vibration. When I opened my eyes you were here in my room. I tried to get closer to check that you were real but I don't remember anything else, just waking up today as if I had imagined all that. Maybe it was a dream after all.</p><p>I'll see you soon.</p><p>REY</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, SM N6 S2 Benduday</p><p>Dear Kylo</p><p>While I was doing my usual tour, I was able to verify that the rumors were true.</p><p>Not only have you returned, but you've brought back a prisoner! I don't know if I should be happy or not, I certainly wouldn't want to be in his place but if you are going to treat him like me, I have nothing to worry about. I know my situation is different from his. I came here of my own free will.</p><p>It seems the captive is none other than Poe Dameron, the best pilot in the Resistance. I wonder if that's true. Do you think he's a better pilot than Ben?</p><p>I think it's easy to be captivated by him, even when you see him from a distance and quite battered. But on second thought, his reputation may be a little exaggerated. Some people around here say he's a young promise and that the General of the Resistance, Leia Organa, considers him almost a son.</p><p>Finn was put in charge of his surveillance and that's quite convenient for me because he's promised to let me meet Poe tomorrow. I don't want to sound impertinent, but I think I can interrogate him by less violent means than the physical torture they usually employ here. I can become quite persuasive if I put my mind to it, without anyone getting hurt.</p><p>Although it's really none of my business. I'll put it on my no-no list, along with my failed attempts to cook.</p><p>Ben still hasn't come back, which surprises me a lot. I have to admit that these days have been too long and tedious for me, even though I've managed fine on my own.</p><p>But when I'm with him, I don't feel like I have to constantly worry about fitting in. Even now I feel that he's with me somehow, it's strange.</p><p>But what I’m saying! it's only been two standard days! Don't listen to me, I'm getting carried away with a sentimentality that Phasma would not approve of and Ben being so busy probably hasn't even thought about me. It makes sense.</p><p>I'll say goodbye as soon as possible, avoiding saying something I'll regret later.</p><p>REY</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, SM N6 S3 Primeday</p><p>Dear Kylo</p><p>Are you serious? Am I going on a trip? I think it's too good to be true. It would be perfect if you came with me, but I don't dare ask for so much. The duties of a Supreme Leader are more important; although I assume even you have time to rest sometimes.</p><p>Don't get me wrong, I love living here. But I can't help thinking about the outside world. And although your note was not as brief as the previous one, I am very happy that <em>this is a mission of utmost importance for my permanent status in the First Order</em>.</p><p>My first mission, how about that!</p><p>Too bad <em>the details will be revealed to me later</em>. I trust your good judgment which has kept me safe and sound so far in spite of my own nature.</p><p>I wonder why all the mystery, haven't I checked my discretion so far?</p><p>On second thought, you'd better not answer that question.</p><p>But it is the last part of your letter that has brought me most joy. I feel safer knowing that I will have <em>General Ben Solo</em> as my escort and that he will be by <em>tomorrow at 6:00 to take me to Hangar 715. </em></p><p>I'm so anxious that I don't think I'll be able to sleep. I don't want to get things wrong this time, not when I'm starting to be part of something so important. Although I wouldn't want you to judge me for being too enthusiastic about a simple routine mission.</p><p>It'll be the first time I'll see Ben since he got back. I hope he’s not upset about having to accompany me. I imagine he might be because he has more remarkable things to do. But I'll do my best not to be a burden to him.</p><p>The note does not specify how long I will be gone, but my reports will be needed because I must not, under any circumstances, <em>interrupt the writing of these <strong>invaluable</strong> routine reports.</em></p><p>I have highlighted that word because I think it says a lot more about you than anything I can imagine so far. And also because I feel that you would miss me if I did not write to you.</p><p>See you soon.</p><p>REY</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. REY'S LETTERS TO SUPREME LIDER (Chandrila) Part I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Year 35 ABY, SM N6 W3 Centaxday</p><p>Dear Kylo</p><p>Reporting from Hanna City, Chandrila. I can't believe we're finally here! It's wonderful!</p><p>General Ben Solo and I left the <em>Supremacy</em> in a small command shuttle, but when we reached the landing platform OB-99 we took a regular speeder, I guess to keep a low profile. I understand that Chandrila is the capital of the New Republic, and while it is not on bad terms with the First Order, it is also not a matter of causing any unnecessary conflict. After all, one could say that their interests are quite opposite.</p><p>The trip went well, without a hitch. I was surprised that no one else accompanied us and thought we would use a smaller vehicle. It's a real shame we couldn't use Ben's TIE, but it only has room for one pilot, so my chance to drive is out for the moment.</p><p>But that doesn't matter too much, because there's so much to see here!</p><p>Sorry if I sometimes forget where I belong, I just can't help but be fascinated by this place and its people! The city is beautiful, as different from Jakku as the night is from the day. The weather is sensational because there are no extremes of heat or cold and I hadn't noticed that in the desert every day of the year is the same, except for a few storms. Is that why my life there seemed like a real eternity?</p><p>There are trees everywhere with funny trunks with blue or green leaves, Ben explained to me that they are characteristic of the planet and are called <em>Tintolive trees</em>.</p><p>Beyond the city lies a large meadow of soft hills and in the distance some mountains of snowy peaks that I am dying to meet. There is also a swamp that you can walk through, but I am not particularly interested in the creatures that may exist there. I've had enough of vermin in Jakku, thank you.</p><p>And the sea, the water. What can I say about that? Only in my dreams could I imagine something like that.</p><p>But I forgot I'm not walking here, sorry.</p><p>The Chandrillans are simple looking; they seem to go about with their heads held high, concentrating on their own business. They like to talk a lot, they're peaceful in general. I can't imagine them fighting with <em>Unkar</em> over food rations, they just wouldn't fit in there. What I like best about being here is that no one seems to care about the rest of the world, even though the city is densely populated. All kinds of species in total harmony: Rhodians, Twi'leks, Mon Calamaris and Jawas as well as humans, of course.</p><p> </p><p>My only concern is that I notice that Ben is quite nervous and uncomfortable. Maybe he is not happy to come here with someone as sentimental as me, stopping every two steps to point out something new like a child. I'm not the best person for undercover maneuvers, don't you think?</p><p>I can't blame him, really. I don't think this mission brings him any particular joy. Even I don't know why we're here.</p><p>At least we don't have to worry about being recognized. If you saw me in this new look, you wouldn't recognize Jakku's scavenger.</p><p>Chandrilan fashion is quite comfortable, simple and practical, almost all women wear light colors just as I like to wear. I changed my hairstyle too, looking at a holopad as a reference. I have officially abandoned my three bows, I think I might even cut my hair. Who knows?</p><p>Ben isn't wearing his General suit, but a grey lapel collar jacket, long as it goes. Underneath, he wears a dark blue shirt and trouser set. It's very strange to see him dressed like that, I've gotten used to his usual First Order black. But the change suits him, even if he doesn't want to admit it.</p><p>I have told him that he looks more jovial and accessible, but it only served to make him cross his arms, offended. Thankfully I didn't tell him that I liked the way his hair was tied up in a little ponytail and that I could see his ears blushing with flattery.</p><p>Maybe my attitude was a little mean, but I'd be lying if I said I regretted it!</p><p> </p><p>I have many more things to tell you, but it's getting late today and I think I should take a break from all the excitement. Ben told me we'd be getting instructions for the mission in the morning. But I think he's hiding something. Don't worry! I don't think it's anything to do with the First Order, I think it's personal.</p><p>Ever since he set foot here he seems to want to tell me something and when I look into his eyes to make him talk, he blushes and keeps quiet. Am I doing something wrong? I can be annoying with me being so upfront, but I want him to know that he can talk to me about anything he wants. I feel that with all the things we've shared, I could consider myself his friend. Right?</p><p>I say goodbye, big yawn... I mean, bye!</p><p>REY</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, SM N6 W3 Taungsday</p><p>Dear Kylo</p><p>Yesterday I was so excited by the arrival that I forgot to tell you that we have settled in a spacious apartment in the city centre without any problems. It never ceases to amaze me how inadequate this is for a mission that requires a low profile, but I couldn't complain because the place is so splendid! And as I said before, no one seems to care about their neighbor's life.</p><p>In my assigned room there is a large window that reminds me a bit of the <em>Supremacy</em>, but here I can see the ships coming and going in the sky at all times. No one seems to really rest here.</p><p>While I was checking out the place, a small unlocked drawer caught my attention. You can imagine what happened next, since I had no choice but to open it.</p><p>I found some rather old flat-holo, I had seen some brought by travelers to the Niima Outpost. But the funny thing was that they showed a tall man and a woman with black hair and braids next to a little boy, <em>too much</em> like Ben.</p><p>The first thing I thought was that it was his parents and I wanted to ask him, but things didn't go very well between us since I told him that the color white suited him.</p><p>But just a few minutes after I sent in last night's report, he knocked on my door. I hid the proof of his secret as best I could and passed it on. I'd ask him about the people in the photo another time.</p><p>Ben couldn't sleep, but he didn't seem to want to talk to me either. I'm not proud to confess that I almost lost my patience with him.</p><p>But just in time to avoid it, he told me that the house belonged to his parents and that the truth was that he had left them to join the First Order. I don't yet understand how he kept the property, but perhaps no one cares and Ben didn't think it necessary to clarify it.</p><p>He told me that he has not been to Chandrila for many years, even though he was born here in Hanna City, during the end of the War and the beginning of the New Republic. That's why it feels so strange to come here. How many years? He didn't say, but he gave me to understand that it was more than twenty. Almost most of my own life, actually.</p><p>After a while, the subject was exhausted and he avoided my other questions about his past. But that doesn't matter because I think he'll tell me more as he trusts me. In exchange for my tireless curiosity, he offered to provide me with knowledge about the planet and its way of life. A fairly neutral topic, so it all worked out well.</p><p>Although I can't help but wonder about a lot of things. And forgive my impertinence, but you must understand that Ben intrigues me and I have no one to share my thoughts about him with. Who were his parents? Why did he abandon them? And most importantly, are they still alive? Will he be scared to find them here? I'm afraid my head will explode.</p><p>As soon as he left, I was thinking a lot about these questions and others too. It was as if some of his sadness had taken hold of me. And I couldn't sleep anymore.</p><p>It's funny, but I never would have thought to ask him his age. Ben has the look of someone who's seen a lot but wouldn't consider him old. Considering that he told me what year he was born, it wasn't hard to conclude that he was thirty.</p><p>Excuse me, dear Kylo, if I can't stop writing about Ben! But it's just that the revelation has made such an impression on me. The more I find out about him, the more I want to know.</p><p>Do you think he might find me annoying? Don't worry, I know you won't answer me and I didn't mean for you to. My common sense tells me it's not right to go through life harassing your friends.</p><p>Of course, I've never felt this way before. I haven't felt like asking Phasma about her favorite food or asking Hux about his hobbies (although I'm sure one of his favorite things is to perfect his killer look and use it on me). But I do want to know everything about Ben.</p><p>He, like you, knows a lot about me because I've told him myself, even though there's not really much to tell. At times he seems to listen and I know he does. But he looks away and makes a fist with his hands when I tell him about my past and I don't know how to interpret that. I really don't understand him.</p><p>On the other hand, the whole age and birthday thing has made me sad. You know, I don't know exactly how old I am or what day my birthday is. When my parents left me in Jakku I was about five, so now I should be almost twenty, but I don't know. I haven't dealt with people my age, I hadn't thought about it until now. I've always been the same way: every day trying to be faster, smarter to survive. But now I feel different, strange. How should I behave? Why is all this suddenly so important?</p><p>I haven't told Ben any of this because he seemed to have enough of his own regrets and would be exhausted with my questions.</p><p>I wouldn't want you to think that I'm discrediting an important member of the First Order for not being able to separate personal life from work. This is completely a pure and irrational curiosity of mine, just like the one I have for you. And so far we've handled it pretty well. Don't you think? I haven't stopped insisting and you haven't given me any hints, in fact, you seem to enjoy this game.</p><p>The rest of the day, no news. But I'll send another report later to complete this one or add it to tomorrow's. I need a little time for my brain to rest. I desperately need some sleep.</p><p>I say goodbye, a little discouraged but never defeated,</p><p>REY</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, SM N6 W3 Zhellday</p><p>Supreme Leader</p><p>Nervousness levels are only going up at this time.</p><p>Your orders have finally arrived and I'm quite confused.</p><p>Is this another diplomatic mission? I think you're just trying to get me away from you and you forced poor Ben to come with me. You must hate him enough to go to all this trouble.</p><p>No, I'm not angry. I'm furious! I think you're a little cynical, Kylo. Allow me the liberty, because every minute that goes by, my mood gets worse. Of all the Generals you could have named. Why did you just send Ben Solo?</p><p>In three days there will be a meeting with emissaries from the Resistance and we must go on behalf of the First Order. I have some questions to ask.</p><p>First, has it not occurred to you that I may not be the ideal person to embody the model of the Order? You've known me for weeks and haven't seen me since. I could be anything: a spy, a rebel, an insane woman. Do you really think I can be trusted?</p><p>On the other hand, did you know that Ben's parents are part of the Resistance and there's a good chance they'll be at that meeting? I don't think so, because if you knew it in advance, you're the cruelest person I know. Do you care so little about him that you would expose him like that?</p><p>You want to know how I found out? <em>HoloNet</em>.</p><p><em>Benjamin Organa Solo.</em> It turns out the people in the flat-holo are none other than <em>Leia Organa</em>, Princess of Alderaan and General of the Resistance, and <em>Han Solo</em>, General of the Revolution and former smuggler. Their parents are true heroes to history.</p><p>Do I need to be clearer about that?</p><p>I can anticipate that the meeting will be a complete disaster and don't count on me to use violence. You know how I feel about that. I could abandon all this madness and take the first ship to Jakku, but I won't because I have unfinished business here.</p><p>I won't abandon Ben to his fate. He's not ready to see his family again and I know that even if he hasn't told me, because I think I can understand him more than he knows. I'll defend him if I have to. I still don't know what reason he had for walking away from them but I feel the conflict in his heart, now torn between loyalty to the First Order and his family.</p><p>You just look at everyone as if you're some kind of superior being and we all have to do what you say. It is true, sometimes I forget that you are the Supreme Leader and have the power to do what you want, I will try to remember that from now on.</p><p>And I should eliminate this subversive report, but you know what? I won't, because someone has to have the courage to tell you the truth, even if it is by letter and far enough away from you not to be killed by your lightsaber.</p><p>Make no mistake about it. I am immensely grateful to you for offering me shelter and food, and for the small but valuable tokens of appreciation you have given me. I know that deep down you care about me and what I think. Why would you insist on these reports if it were otherwise?</p><p>Ben wouldn't question your intentions, but I have to. I simply cannot tolerate injustice.</p><p>I don't expect you to respond, but if you do, I expect an explanation. If I'm still alive in that case, I'll be happy to read.</p><p>I have a feeling this is only the beginning of something more serious than I think.</p><p>Goodbye.</p><p>REY</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. REY'S LETTERS TO SUPREME LIDER (Chandrila) Part II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, SM N6 W3 benduday</p><p>Supreme Leader of the Supreme First Order, Supreme Kylo Ren</p><p>I confirm that I have received your reply with <em>precise instructions</em> for this mission.</p><p>I will proceed to "<em>follow General Solo's orders and protect him with my own life</em>", you didn't have to bother to mention that, of course I will. Although I am a little irritated that you ordered me to do so and I find it very funny that someone as strong as he needs bodyguards. I'd like to think you're referring to the care of his emotional health. I'm sure I'll do my best.</p><p><em>"You will accompany the General at all times because he is a key part of the First Order</em>." I understand. That's why you're sending him to the planet of his childhood to meet his parents, escorted by a woman who's obviously insane, risking her life with the reports she writes to you every day. I've never seen a holodrama, but this is precious material for those who make up such stories.</p><p>What are your real intentions?</p><p>On the other hand, the answer came with suspicious eagerness. The advances in communications technology never cease to amaze me. I have noticed a little emotion in your words but I have not been able to verify it. It is logical that you are a little angry with me at this point, but the fact that I am still alive indicates to me that you can come to forgive me.</p><p>It leaves me a little more reassured that "<em>Ben Solo accepted the mission knowing the consequences it could bring and insisted that you go with you</em>". I'd love to know more about that. Maybe I'll ask him as soon as I see him.</p><p>I'm also glad to know that <em>"exemplary behavior is expected of you to help maintain peace between the Order and the Resistance</em>." That means a lot to me and I hope it's the first step to a legitimate reconciliation.</p><p>Why did the war start in the first place anyway? What does General Hux think about this? It doesn't matter much, it's you who makes the rules and just this once I'm proud of how you use your power for good.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was gone for much of yesterday afternoon. He left right after he got the news that Poe Dameron ran off with a stormtrooper. Are you sure he left with Finn?  It's not that strange to me, he was always different from the others. After all, he was the first person to treat me kindly when I arrived at the <em>Supremacy</em> and I was hoping we could be friends.</p><p>I think having no more prisoners is a good way to reach a peace agreement like the one you want. I am not one to know the mysteries of war, but I believe that this can have positive consequences for everyone.</p><p>Ben doesn't seem to care much about Poe's fate either. I asked him about it and he just shrugged. I think there were other things on his mind that worried him more even though he didn't say anything about it. He even seemed happy.</p><p>In fact, he was friendlier than usual, perfectly adorable, although we were still a little disturbed in each other's presence at times. I don't know how he took the news that I'm some kind of bodyguard now.</p><p> </p><p>Later yesterday he accompanied me to choose a suit for the reception of the Resistance ambassadors. I was going to wear the same thing as always, I have no problem with that. But spending more time with him in a more relaxed context was a temptation I would not refuse.</p><p>Later we passed by the old Hannatown Market and I couldn't help but roar with excitement at the mixture of spices and aromas. I admit I was more animated about the prospect of eating something delicious than spending hours measuring my clothes and feeling out of place.</p><p>Finally, we sat down to eat. I asked for a <em>pickled blackbeak</em> spiced and salted and Ben for a <em>pakarna</em>, which is something like a bowl of noodles, very spicy. I couldn't help but want to try it too and he didn't object when I asked him. Maybe I was wrong, but he found it funny and gave me the rest of his portion while he watched me eat.</p><p>I know what you're thinking. I have no manners. But I was so happy I didn't care much, and I was hungry. Aren't those reasons enough? Ben couldn't stop smiling, and that's another valid reason. It was a splendid, special day.</p><p> </p><p>The surprises didn't stop there. When we got back, I found a box in my room with a little note written on it by you, Kylo. I didn't immediately understand what was going on and I still find it hard to believe.</p><p>What can I say? If I can't find any other words, it's because I'm deeply moved. In other circumstances I would find it totally inappropriate for you to decree that from now on, this day will be the official day of my birth. My <em>own</em> birthday! But as you know, my mood changes every day lately and I'm under a lot of pressure.</p><p>That's why I'm sorry that I challenged you earlier, I mean, I'm not sorry that I did it because I still feel that it's necessary to be completely honest with you. But it wasn't the best way to do it, nor were the words appropriate. I wondered what you would have done in my place.</p><p>The note only said <em>"Happy Birthday, Rey"</em> but Ben explained the details because he was an accomplice in your intrigue and it turns out he had a gift for me too.</p><p>He was also the only witness to the tears of happiness and guilt I shed. The only thing I regretted was that you weren't here in person, you are the most important other person to me in the whole Galaxy.</p><p>Thank you for the gift, Kylo, but for me your gesture was the ultimate prize. I know I'm a pain sometimes, even though I talk to Ben a lot lately, and he doesn't seem that bothered by me anymore. But I still can't communicate with him as naturally as I do with you.</p><p>Although I think Ben and I can read our minds, if that's possible, and sometimes we don't even talk but feel comfortable in silence. Yes, believe it or not, I can keep my mouth shut for a relatively large amount of time.</p><p>You want to know what Ben gave me? It's really funny, I applaud his wit. I now own a new notebook with beautiful white pages along with a calligraphy set and all sorts of elements to draw whatever I want. Did I not mention that I'm pretty good at drawing?</p><p>And now I'm going to sleep. In one day I've aged a year, which is no small thing!</p><p>I couldn't help but make an obvious joke about it, I'm sorry.</p><p>I hope you rest well.</p><p>Love you.</p><p>REY</p><p> </p><p>P.S. I just revise the report and there's something I can't get out of my head.</p><p><em>Did Ben and I have a date</em>? I'll let that thought go, I'll stick with the happiness it brings me.</p><p> </p><p>P.S. (2) I don't know much about dates but I think if it had been one, Ben should have cleared it up. He can't expect me to know much about those things.</p><p> </p><p>P.S. (3) Conclusion: He just does the mission, just like me. Therefore, it wasn't <em>a date.</em></p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> Year 35 ABY, SM N6 W4 Primeday</p><p>Dear Kylo</p><p>Today was another emotionally charged day, as we waited for the meeting to arrive.</p><p>There are many things I want to ask you, but in order to sort out my thoughts and avoid confusion, I will tell things little by little.</p><p>Ben told me it was almost mandatory that we visit the Botanical Skygarden. He already knew about it, of course, but wanted to show me because of my interest in plants and flowers. Although I wouldn't have bothered to go around boring old buildings, squares, ruins, museums or academies if he was my guide. Listening to him is fascinating.</p><p>The place was not crowded at that time and after walking for a while, we sat down to rest. With our costumes it was impossible for us to be discovered. We were just a couple talking in a public place.</p><p>I thought it was a good time to tell him I knew about his parents and I did. He seemed surprised but his reaction was not entirely credible but strange, forced. I think he already knew. The General is not good at lying in person, or I've become an expert at figuring out when he does.</p><p>Anyway, he didn't deny it and even seemed to take a load off his mind. I promised him that I would be by his side all the time and not just because it is my obligation to do so.</p><p> </p><p>But there is something else that Ben wanted to tell me, something that you probably already know and explains a lot. He's sensitive to the Force, as am I.</p><p>Is that why you've arranged for us to spend some time together? So I can learn from Ben? Everything would have been easier if you'd said so from the beginning. I already suspected that what was happening to me wasn't normal and that it was the reason you considered me special.</p><p>I accepted his offer to train me because I know you'd approve. Ben took the liberty of telling me your story and how you became Supreme Leader. You're powerful in the Force, too.</p><p> </p><p>The only thing that leaves a bitter taste is that you didn't tell me before. And I suspect those times when I thought I saw you as an illusion, you were as real as I was.</p><p>Ben believes there's some kind of bond between us and that's why the Force led you to me.</p><p>This is all so new, so complex.</p><p>It's not something I would have wanted, but it's my responsibility now.</p><p>I wanted you to know that.</p><p>REY</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Year 35 ABY, SM N6 W4 Centaxday</p><p>Dear Kylo</p><p>I was finally able to show my skills in combat. I've been waiting for this moment for a long, long time. Although it's not all about strategy and attack. Ben also taught me how to meditate, which is harder than it looks. I'd like to see you try, when your mind and heart are full of thoughts you can't control and words you can't say out loud.</p><p>I had a hard time concentrating. I mean, I'd have to be blind not to be distracted by the image of him training, it's exceptional, a whole show of power and strength in its purest form. Of course I'm very competitive and I was definitely able to reach his level, but I can't stop thinking about the whole situation, about what we talked about yesterday, about the future.</p><p>I don't know enough about the Force to take a stand. But I think it is quite limited that we reduce everything to a polarization of Light and Dark. I prefer to think that there can be a balance between the two and we can learn from both.</p><p>Ben didn't always think this way but in time we can agree. I'm sure we can.</p><p> </p><p>But I'm avoiding the main issue, I'm delaying my confession because I'm not sure of the consequences it could trigger.</p><p> </p><p>Something has happened that I find hard to even think about, let alone write about. I can't tell you without betraying Ben, but I have to because my loyalty is split in two along with my heart.</p><p>All right, I'll say it. But you have to promise me that you won't punish Ben. If there's a guilty party in all this, it's me for not being able to help falling in love with him. And I wouldn't blame myself for that either, I never would.</p><p>Ben has asked me to escape this mission together, before we meet with the Resistance and his parents. At least I understood that at first, but he meant escaping the First Order. I really don't want you to hurt him and I don't think you will because you know how special he is.</p><p>Ben is as important to me as you are and I don't want to have to choose between the two of you. If it were possible as I sometimes think, for you to be the same person, it would all be absolutely convenient for everyone. Don't you think?</p><p>Maybe Ben will never know how much I've come to love him, he doesn't have to find out if I don't tell him. But I can tell you because you've been on the other side from the beginning and all this wouldn't be possible without your help. I would still be collecting junk in Jakku or perhaps killed by an abandoned ship explosion. But I'm here and I'm happy.</p><p>However, I haven't answered him, I had to run away.</p><p>I hate doing that, I hate running away. But I need time to think and I need you, Kylo.</p><p>Just once, at least once, I'd like to see you and hear what you have to say. It's really important to me.</p><p>How could I think you're a monster like everyone said in Jakku? They didn't get to know you like I do. Now I know your story and I know that you were not always as you are now, I know that it was not your fault, I know that things should have been different.</p><p>But that's the way it is. And I know a lot more about you than you think, I've always known. I'm sure now and I'm not afraid of what might happen.</p><p>Will you come and see me?</p><p>REY</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. REY'S LAST LETTER TO SUPREME LIDER</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Year35ABY, SM N6 W4 Taungsday</p><p>Dear Supreme Leader - Kylo Ren – Ben – General Ben – My love</p><p> </p><p>Where do I start my last report? I can't believe this is the last time I'm going to write to you, I've come to love these times of day. Would you rather I keep the usual fun tone or do you expect me to be a little upset?</p><p>Maybe I'll let a little bit of my Happiness appear between the lines and in capital letters, because that's what I feel now that you've finally revealed your face and there are no masks between us anymore. You can't see me while I write, but I promise you will soon. I'm counting the minutes!</p><p> </p><p>I'll start at the beginning, then. I'll be faithful to my brilliant storytelling skills with which I've managed to conquer your heart almost without intending to.</p><p> </p><p>I felt very anxious last night after sending you that letter. I took a last chance but I couldn't do anything else, I was on the verge of resisting. And I needed to believe in my instincts, I needed to believe in you.</p><p>I wouldn't mind suffering a punishment, I'm not even afraid of death. But I would have felt mortified if you didn't come, if you weren't able to come to my call because you didn't feel the same way I did or simply because you didn't understand my feelings.</p><p> </p><p>Minutes after sending it, someone knocked on my door with three barely audible knocks.</p><p>The Supreme Leader himself, knocked on my door at Chandrila when he should have been aboard the <em>Supremacy</em>, in his black suit and his much-feared mask. Just like that day in Jakku, when we met for the first and last time.</p><p>I was shaking from head to toe, his presence could mean many good and bad things, but I tried not to think of the latter as a self-preservation tactic.</p><p>I gestured to him to enter, unable to avoid surprise and almost voiceless. I could sense some doubt in him too, it was strange, everything was very strange. I was no longer that girl from Jakku, alone and full of spite, nor was he the tall, mysterious man I met that day.</p><p>He was still tall, of course, but behind his mask I could feel exactly the same fear I was feeling.</p><p> </p><p>He stood in front of me for long minutes, but now that I think about it, it was only six, I am not sure. It felt like an eternity.</p><p> </p><p>And then I held my breath because he was bringing his hands to his head to take off his mask.</p><p>I panicked. And I'm not going to deny it. So I stopped him.</p><p>Yes, I was afraid that my fantasies would fall apart and I couldn't tolerate it, afraid that he wouldn't be the person I wanted him to be. I couldn't bear the shame of being wrong about something I wanted so badly.</p><p>But he spoke. He told me not to be afraid, that he can feel it, too. And it was true, his hands were shaking when he took mine.</p><p>The same thoughts that I had at that moment must have crossed his mind. He knew everything, absolutely everything about me, but what if I didn't accept him?</p><p>I mustered all the courage I could and went to him to take off his much hated helmet with my own hands. Kylo bent over to give me permission.</p><p>The most beautiful eyes in the galaxy fell on mine, and we were both suspended in time, contemplating the miracle.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ben</em>
</p><p> </p><p>All this time, it was you.</p><p>All these weeks, always by my side, invisible witness to my feelings.</p><p>I can't imagine the emotions you felt reading what I was writing.</p><p>I won't forgive you for having deceived me, I won't forgive you for not having shown yourself before. But I will never hold a grudge against you for that. Your life was not easy. It's not easy now and it may get even more complicated.</p><p>You know very well that I'm not perfect. But I don't care about perfection.</p><p>What I want is to make things work between us, who are like the wreckage of those ships in Jakku left to die and destroyed, but with the potential to be happy and fly through the skies again or be traded for food.</p><p>I think the metaphor is inadequate, but I could not find a better analogy.</p><p>What I am trying to say is that if you accept me I will be with you always, defending you with all my heart, seeking the balance of your soul and mine. We will learn together to deal with our miseries.</p><p>You have been gentle and patient, you have endured my fits of anger, you have endured my criticism and you have rewarded me with your silent approval, you have let me show myself as I am. You have found a way to make your way to me, although let me tell you that your methods are quite complex. No one could say you lack creativity, I'll give you that.</p><p>The circumstances that brought us together were exceptional but I'm sure we would meet again a thousand times no matter what.</p><p>Will you accept this former scavenger who has become a frustrated writer as a travel companion?</p><p>What am I saying? You don't have a choice anymore. You asked, and I said yes.</p><p>Now you can never get rid of me!</p><p> </p><p>I love you, Ben.</p><p>I love you, Kylo-Long Legs.</p><p> </p><p>REY</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>P.S. I think that after having sent you so many letters I deserve one from you, with that beautiful handwriting you have. Would you do it?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is it! (for now...)</p><p>I really liked writing and I think I'm going to miss it. <br/>I've got an epilogue in mind with Ben's letter. What do you think of that?</p><p>Thanks for participating in the Twitter Polls, it was really important to me and helped me get out of more than one blockage.</p><p>I'm so glad you enjoyed it as much as I did!<br/>Thank you so much for reading this story.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Meet me <a href="https://twitter.com/luubamoon">on twitter</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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